Coming of Age Writing Prompt #5: What are some epiphanies that you have had about yourself?

Why does it matter
Who said it did
Maybe it was me
Who made that decision
Because the decision is me

Why does it matter what he
Thinks, she
Thinks, they
Think
Why does it affect me

Thoughts are for
Those who think them
Does it change me because I know
He hates
Me, I annoy
Her, to them I'm
Weird

To me
I'm me
And me is happy,
The way me is

The Secret Life of Bees By Sue Monk Kidd

It is hard for human being to come to come to terms with drastic mistakes that they made in their past; nothing is different for Lily Owens from The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd.

            At the age of three Lily shot her mother. It wasn’t purposeful; she found a gun lying on the floor of her parents’ South Carolina home, and not knowing what she was doing, pulled the trigger. Lily’s mistake haunts her continuously with pain, self-pity and regret, and denial that it really was her.

            Many times in the book she remembers that life changing day, and is not sure what to make of it in her mind. Sometimes Lily will make herself believe a scenario where it was really her father who fired the gun. She still always knew somewhere deep-down-inside that it was her, and no one else. In the book she states, “I knew that the explosion I’d heard that day had killed her. The sound still sneaked into my head once in a while and surprised me” (17). This quote shows a sense of not being at terms with what had happened. When she says that the sound surprised her, a reader can interpret that she tried to forget about killing her mother, instead of accepting what happened. This causes her to blame others, the others being her father T. Ray. When she is in denial, all of the anger she has is focused on T. Ray. At those moments she truly hates him.

            Many people associate a certain time or feeling with a certain sound. For Lily, a sound for misery is the gun shot that replays itself in her mind. That sound changed her life. If it had never happened, Lily could be living far away from T. Ray and with her mother. A quote that illustrates this is when she says, “The sound had torn through the room and gouged our hearts”(17).  Lily uses very strong language in this part to show her pain. The word ‘gouged’ is a standout here. The dictionary definition is “to cut or scoop out” (The American Heritage Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus, 331). It is as if a part of her and T. Ray was taken away when the gun had fired. This part of her being taken away causes her to see and feel her pain from everything.

            Self-pity is a feeling that is natural in humans. What Lily feels isn’t quite self-pity though. She pities herself because she has to live with killing her mother, but she also pities others because of the pain that she caused them. This feeling can be classified as regret. Lily finds it coming up everywhere. “I felt that [August] knew what a lying, murderous, hating, person I really was” (71), Lily states in the book. Her pity for herself and others, and her regret puts Lily in a state where she feels that everyone knows what she did.

            The mistake that Lily made when she shot her mother haunts her without ceasing. She feels regret, disbelief, and pain related to that topic and she can’t put it out of her mind.

Coming of Age Response: What are some traditonal markers for growing up in our culture? How do you think society defines adulthood?

**This is a short story about a girl about to have her bat mitzvah**

I put on the dress I had picked out last month and admire the sky blue fabric that comes down to a few inches above my knees. I spin around and watch the skirt fly up, and then settle again. After checking that the makeup that I had put on was perfect I slowly put on my shoes.

I can't believe that this is actually happening, I think. I remember watching all of my cousins get bat mitzvahed, but i had never quite processed that I would do it to. This is supposed to make me a Jewish adult, but I'm not sure that I'm ready

"Eliza!" my mom calls. "It's time to leave." I twirl once more and make my way down the stairs, careful not to trip on my new heels.

The walk to the temple seems to be miles, although it is only three blocks away from my house. My mom is talking, but the words seem to go through my head without me noticing. I am practicing the hardest prayer that I have to recite over and over again in my head and trying, and failing, to keep my knees from shaking.

All of a sudden it hits me with a jolt. I'm in the temple. People are looking at me, waiting for me to start. I take a deep breath. Then I start. I'm refusing to look up at the eyes following my every move. I reach the hardest part. All of a sudden the Hebrew letters look jumbled. Focus, I think. The words come out smoothly. I'm done. I did it, I think. My thoughts do a celebratory dance as I scan the faces watching me for the first time. they look back at me with smiles on their faces.

I am an adult, I think. This was my transition, my test. I passed it. Maybe I'm not an adult yet, but I have begun that journey today.

Coming of Age Response: What are some questions and concerns you have about growing up and adulthood?

Who will I be?

Because

Now I am drifting

Between whom I want

To be

Who I am now

I’m not sure

Growing up means

What does it mean?

That I need

To choose

Who

As long

As

I choose

Right

I am told

That when I

Grow up I must

Choose who

I want to be

But for now

I will stay

Me